Thinking about 'How I am able to think of myself'

         I always have these thoughts about concepts like 'self' or 'consciousness' etc. but I never had more chances to discuss  it with others. I guess at least by jotting down some of my ideas, I will be able to make the picture clearer for myself and I can start a discussion with you people as well.
         First of all, how do we define consciousness? Is it the thought process initiated when you try to question yourself? I mean like 'who am I?' or 'What am I?' etc. All the thought processes happen inside our brain only. So, when an entity which is 'intelligent' can question itself or let's say 'realize' its existence, is it what is called consciousness? To put it in a better way, is it possible to be 'intelligent' but not 'conscious'? i.e. how do we separate intelligence and consciousness?
           A small child say of age 2-3 years is intelligent in a normal human being sense of view. But is he conscious? Is he aware of his 'existence'? Does he 'feel' his existence? I some times think we unnecessarily glorify this term called 'consciousness'. What I mean to say is, maybe this realisation of 'self' is inevitable given the presence of 'intelligence'. Maybe this is what happens in case of the 3 year old child.
           Maybe when an intelligent being(say small child) learns to distinguish between things similar to itself, the natural next step is to distinguish 'itself' from others. For this to happen, the senses through which it perceives outside world plays an important role in my opinion. Some sort of self feed-back should happen to these senses which then results in recognition of self. Take the example of  Vision. Something like say mirror might play an important role here. When the child sees the outside world it questions it, remembers it, analyzes it and takes decisions based on it. If I put a mirror before it, it will try to question it like 'Did I see it earlier?', 'What is it?' etc. When it sees itself in the mirror only, it realizes that  it is seeing 'itself'. If this is correct what are the equivalents of mirror in other senses? But does this mean a thing which is intelligent but has no senses can't be 'aware of itself'? Of course, without senses/inputs there is no point in being intelligent.
          Another basic question is how do we even test whether an intelligent thing has 'consciousness'? Does all living things like ants, birds, insects have 'consciousness'? They definitely have brain and are intelligent, for one thing.
         Another interesting aspect is if we take 'consciousness' for granted like we took 'intelligence' for granted to look at 'consciousness', emotions and other 'thoughts' attached to 'self' might be the next logical step.(or is it not?)
          Let me stop here for now. I sometimes think the most challenging thing for our race is to figure out "How we are able to figure things out" or as I like saying "How are we able to think about brain using our brain".
         When one sees all this from a still broader view like life being a negligible part in such a huge universe which is in existence from billions of years, it feels kind of weird. Once we realize how trivial our existence in this vast universe is, our everyday  worries, goals etc look comical sometimes. We fret over things like bad food in mess, stupid weather etc. Even 'big' things like 'corruption', 'war' etc seem so silly from the point of view of the universe.....
         I only wish I get answers to at least some of these questions before I 'die'(what is death anyway?).

An ATM from Tirumala

I recently went to tirumala and see what I found in an ATM there!

Looks like God really is omnipresent :)

P.S: This was taken using my newly bought digicam

Some Good Movies-3

Tiltle: Swades
Director: Ashutosh Gowarikar

              Well, most of the people must have already seen this movie but still I wanted to write about it. Some movies just seem perfect in all aspects and touches your heart. One such for me is this gem of a movie.
               I have seen many movies which preach or deal with social themes. What I find stands out in this movie is the lead characters are very much real and relate able. The male protagonist is not some great-at-heart fellow whose only aim is to serve people. He is like any other highly educated Indian. He went abroad and was working for NASA. He comes back to India only to take back his childhood governess who is now in an old-age home. Having no family now, he feels lonely and wants to take her back to USA. He is uncomfortable back in India and prefers to stay in his air-conditioned caravan rather than in her house. The director slowly shows  re-invention of his self and his attachment to India. Half-way through the movie, we see him waking up in the backyard of his aaya(governess)'s house indicating his growing attachment and comfort level. All this while, a very beautiful love story runs parallel.
             When he sees that people are being ignorant, he doesn't start giving lectures. Instead, first he tries to bring children back to school, then he tries to bring electricity only after noticing people were of careless let-it-be attitude and he just wants to prove a point. The whole electricity episode was very believable and very real(The background music during the sequence is awesome). He doesn't revolutionize or anything. And when the time comes for him to leave, he leaves though he feels attached to the place. After going back only he realizes how much he loved the people there and comes back eventually.
             At no point does the director try to preach or anything. At the core, its just a drama movie about a man's inner realization. The whole movie seems perfect and especially Shahrukh Khan literally lived the role. I personally feel this is Rahman's best album(including the background). Overall, I rate this as one of the best made Indian films ever.

What's in a name?

The Placement Team at IIT-M is one of the best in the country. They invite a number of companies every year for placements. This time, to provide more info about the company, the Placement Team asked the companies how they got their names. Here are the reasons given by some companies:

Future's First: Well, we want to be first in our area atleast in the future.
TCS: Do you have a TC from a college? We say yes to a job.
Sclumberger: We started off selling burgers in slums.
Bosch: Wasn't it obvious? We want even our title to sound bossy.
Capital IQ: It was just IQ earlier. But once, a person wrote iq. I said capital IQ and from then the name became capital IQ
BCG: After consulting McKinsey, we zeroed in on this name. Really, McKinsey rocks.
Deutsche: Our ironical way of saying whoever invests in our bank is a douche.
EATON: You see once we close our company people can still call us ATON(ateon?). That way we will always be remembered.(worst of all,huh?)
ITC: After hearing many junta attending our gruelling placement process(after which we take only 2 or 3 people)    saying I Totally Cupped, we decided to put this name.
L&T: We like the two alphabets a lot. Please dont ask why(read, I lost creativity)
Morgan Stanley: Well, our favorite actor is Morgan Freeman and favorite director is Stanley Kubrick.
INTEL: We saw that name on many computer motherboards and thought our name will attract students.
Verity: Variety name, isn't it? Thats what we want.
Goldman Sachs: We want gold. We want men. We want truth(sach). hence the name.( I know, lamest of all)
Reflexis: We have a strong reflex action to a market stimulus.

The one with the Dean

           I always wanted to write about this incident. It is one of the experiences which I am never going to forget in my life. It taught me some good lessons too.
         Intro: Well, it happened in the summer of 2008. I went home happily after writing my end sems. A friend of mine from IIT-G got an intern opportunity at IIT-M. When I went to meet him, I explained how to get to the campus and gave him my room and cycle keys, just in case, and came back. I totally forgot about it and went on a holiday with my family. In the mean time, my friend along with a couple of his friends, also from IIT-G, went to IIT-M and put their luggage in my room. They couldn't get immediate accommodation and so stayed in my room. They told about this to their guide in the campus and he was cool about it. They informed me too and I didn't think it was a big deal. But, their application for accommodation got delayed and they stayed in my room itself for almost two and a half weeks. When they were denied accommodation, thanks to anti-student practices of our Hostel Management(HM), they decided to leave.
         Twist In the Tale: As my luck would have it, people from HM were in the hostel at that same time and our hostel asst. manager caught them. He was very furious about it and locked my room and sent them away. When my friend told me about this incident I thought I could clarify it with the manager after I go back. I was shocked to see how serious the incident has become, after coming back. Well, then started the most painful month of my life.
        For three days, I was roaming around my warden and my hostel manager. The matter went to CCW office and I even met chairman,CCW. I still remember the first time I went in to meet him. I was a hell lot scared and couldn't even speak properly. You should know that, by default, I am that kind of person who doesn't want to get involved into any kind of shady incidents with the authorities and is not socially brave if you know what I mean. The CCW, chairman, the anti-student person he is, simply said I could go and meet Dean Students and that he already sent the file there.
        All the pain: It was a big shocker to me. I never dreamt that a guy like me would be going to the Dean on a disciplinary issue. I could't sleep for a couple of days. I couldn't forget the help of my friends Goutham(backhand) and Ganesh(thighs) during this time. Particularly Ganesh was with me every time I went to the Dean and he put a lot of effort in trying to find a way out. I was so scared that, when I went to meet Dean, I falsely told him that my friends were actually staying outside and that they just used my room as a store room. He clearly saw the lie and I will never forget the words he spoke then: " You do not even have the guts to tell the truth ". He was very angry at me lying and just asked me to get out and never see him again, and that I will be expelled from the hostel. I called up my parents and told everything. I could also never forget  the help of my teacher in school, Ramaseshu sir who on hearing about this came the very next day with my father to the campus. But the Dean was not there and apparently, he will not be available for another 10 days. So, I went back home and lived in pain for 10 days.
       Moral of the story: During this period, I realized all the mistakes I made. I was too negligent to not see the fault I did when I asked my friends to stay in my room. In fact, I was so arrogant that my grand-mother actually raised a doubt that letting my friends stay in my room in my absence is not a good idea, but I ignored her. I still think, they being from IIT-G and doing a project here, it should not have  become this big a deal but still what I did was wrong. Also it made me realize the importance of speaking truth always. It will at least ensure that you don't land up in more problems. Whenever we hear things like "Speak truth always", we do not realize their importance, at least thats what I felt after this incident. I promised myself that I will never lie from then on. I did lie after that but they were mostly "friendly lies". My respect for truth has definitely increased several fold. Also, it made me more closer to my friends. I was also amazed at how much my teacher and my school principal cared about me. I also realized how weak a person I am. I mean I didn't have the strength to solve it on my own. My family had gone through a lot of emotions through that month. I felt very bad at that.
     All's Well that ends well: At last, both my parents came with me back and talked to the Dean. He finally let me go with a fine of 5000 rupees. I heaved a huge sigh of relief and thus came my period of pain to an end.

     I wanted to write in more detail but didn't want to pain you guys with a very huge post. It already is probably my largest post.

And then there were none : my review

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Another gripping novel from Agatha Christie. Though by the very nature of the story, it is impossible to solve the mystery as a reader, the actual story of what happened(explained in an epilogue) is too vague and far-fetched. I liked the poem and how close she followed it in all the deaths, though.

From the three books I read of hers, I feel that all her books have the suspense and mystery all the time we read the book but the endings are too convoluted for a reader to guess. A mystery novel should be such that a careful reader should be able to solve it before it is explained or at least at the end, one should feel like he could have solved it had he paid more attention. That doesn't seem to be the case with her books. But still, as I said we can read the books for the thrill we get while reading it(though the ending might seem to complex to have guessed).

P.S. I said above things after reading only three of her novels. So, I might be wrong.

View all my reviews >>

I've had enough God!! My review

I've Had Enough... God by Tejeshwar Singh

My rating: 1 of 5 stars


I bought this book when I was interning in bangalore and wanted to kill time. It starts off with an interesting premise but the story takes a downturn from there. The author mixed up philosophy, religion, philanthrophy and many other elements(even a quarter-baked love angle). To do such a thing, the author should always have proper idea of what he wanted to show. He mixed up all and ended up showing the protagonist as God. After you complete the book, you don't find any question answered or any point made. Its more like how the lead came to know he was a God(that too I feel is not at all convincing). Half the book is spent on how the lead sees negative deeds being done and how cant see all these things happening, occasionally aided by that Baba. Add to this some seriously filmy threads like his dad's friend's father angle, love angle etc and you end up with a very immature handling of such a heavy concept(this is his first book).

The only good thing about this book is its beginning(maybe a few tens of pages).

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Some good movies-2

Title : Bridge To Terabithia
Director: Csupó Gábor



Though the title sounds like another fantasy film of HP kind, it is nothing like that. For people who love fantasy films and played a lot of adventurous, imaginary games in their childhood, this is the film.
I never saw any other film which captures our childhood fantasies and imaginations in such a wonderful way and also it has one of the best and most moving climaxes I have ever seen. The movie also uses animation exactly to the required extent.

I loved the action of that girl in the movie and also that kid from Narnia movies gave a terrific performance. After watching this movie I wondered why no one has ever made(atleast among movies I know of and believe me, I know a hell lot of movies) this kind of movie. This is one of the best movies to come out of Disney Pictures.

This will remain at the top of my list of fantasy/childhood films. I cried at the end of the movie and watched it twice so far. I rate this higher than Harry Potter movies(not books, ofcourse !) and highly recommend this.

Trivia: This movie is actually an adaptation of a book by the same name written by Katherine Paterson. I am looking forward to reading the book.

P.S : In this series of posts, I will not write anything about the story, just what I felt after watching those movies.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


I read a lot about this book that the radio show was kind of path-breaking and all. So, I bought the book. I am definitely not disappointed by the first part though I don't think it deserves all its adulation. Funny book,yes but not a timeless classic. It has some very very funny one-liners like where the author says " A number of monkeys from the other door are trying to give us a copy of Hamlet they wrote!" during the infinite improbability drive. It had me laughing for at least 10 minutes. The climax had me in splits when they find out why the attackers suddenly died( Marvin is an awesome character)
But these kind of gems of a joke are good enough pages apart but just enough to sustain your interest in the book. I started reading second one but it kind of became a routine jokes and I kind of lost interest after reading 50 pages.
Still, I strongly recommend the first in the series i.e. this book to all fans of sci-fi and comedy! A rare blend indeed.

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Some good movies-1

I realized recently that I watch too many movies. In fact I watched almost 350-400 movies after coming to IITM in these four years! So I thought maybe I can start a thread of entries where I can tell about movies that may not be very famous but which I feel are great and are must see for a movie buff. These threads will have movies of all genres. I will start this thread with a movie which will be almost at the very top in my favorite movies' list.

Title : Life Is Beautiful (Italian: La vita è bella)
Director : Roberto Benigni ( also the main character)

This is a wonderful movie that moved me to tears. It is about optimism and the love of a person towards his family. The first half is like an excellent romantic comedy movie. The core of the movie is in the second half. It shows to what extent a normal person(book store owner) can go to protect his family in extreme conditions.

I especially loved the bonding between the father and son and the storyline between the two in the second half. The way he tries to protect the innocence of his son is heart-touching. The protagonist faces the worst conditions one can face in life (I don't want to give the story away. So, I will not say what they are). But his approach to life and his positive-attitude never changes.

The title makes one think that it is an art movie which has a lot of sad parts in the story. But the director who also happens to be the protagonist of the movie has dealt the whole movie with a lot of humor. I think he alone could have pulled off the role in such a great way. The script in the second half is one of the brilliant ones I have ever seen. This is aided by excellent art work and excellent acting skills especially from Benigni. The movie remained in my heart for at least a week after watching. There were tears in my eyes after the movie was over. Very few movies touch one's heart and this is one such for me.

Awards : 3 Oscars - Best actor, Best foriegn film and Best music,original dramatic score.
Trivia : The director later married the heroine of this film.
The oscar he got is the first for a male performer in a non-English-speaking role, and only the third overall acting Oscar for non-English-speaking roles.

Try to answer some of these questions...

The other day, I got bored in a class and I was thinking about life. I just jotted down a few questions in my notebook. I am just repeating what I wrote there, here. Many may sound vague or stupid. But I just wrote what I was thinking at that time. Here is what I have written:

What am I doing with my life?
What do I want from it?
What should I be doing now?
What does interest me in life?
What motivation do I have to live?
Innocence is the best quality one can have, isn't it?
We might try to achieve(& succeed) other qualities but no one can 'achieve' innocence. It is the purest form one can be in. That is why children are considered to be Gods.
What is the specialty of music?
Why does it relax us so much?
I think it is the nearest to what is 'happiness'
It is what makes us feel 'alive'
If innocence is the nearest to pure quality of life, music is nearest to pure form of life.
What drives all these millions of people around me to do what the things they daily do? Where do they find the motivation to live?

Some of them may seem absurd...But try to answer the questions. It will be nice pondering on such things....

Please do not read this post.

Pre script : When there is a post script why can't there be a pre script?

After going through all my other posts(though none would have done it so far), junta might think I only write serious stuff. So, I decided to write something funny. (what a funny title ha ha ha....)Ok..ok...I will tell the truth. Actually I found the idea of a pre script funny and wanted to add it some how into a blog. As, I didnt get any proper idea for a post, I am writing this junk to use it as a context for that(Please do not let this stop you from reading further. Infact, you must be proud of me being truthful).

Thanks for not stopping reading. I will not disappoint you. Infact I will make you happy by stopping here. Hope you found this post funny enough(atleast I didn't bore you with a 1000 words).

Post Script(a.k.a PS) : When there is a pre script or you wrote really less, there will be a post script.

PPS : please dont make this post stop you from following my blog.

1 idiot

I have recently watched a movie which I think atleast 15% India has watched(maybe, even more). Yes, I am referring to 3 Idiots. It so happened that this beautiful movie was "inspired" from a stupid book(dude, its my opinion) titled " Five point someone: What not to do in IIT". This created quite a controversy as the film-makers didn't acknowledge this 'truth' in the movie and the author got angry. He felt he didn't get what he deserved.

I agree that the story and the setting of the movie has a number of similarities to the book. But that is where the similarity ends. Infact, what I observed was the movie is the quite opposite of the book.

Both the book and movie are about 3 idiots. But, in the book they end up as losers where as in the movie they become successful.

If the 'hero' of the book doesn't like the education system, he became a loser in IIT and ended up with a five point something. But in the movie, the protaganist didn't go into a system hating mode and ended up a screwed-up dude. He kept his cool. He still stood first in the exams. He encouraged his friends to follow their heart.

The whole book goes in a negative mood. It is a story of losers where as the movie keeps on saying "All izz well". It is a tale of friendship. It is not about education system. It is the story of 3 friends one of whom completely changed the lives of other two for good.

The so called 'love-track' in the book is nothing but a couple of sex scenes and a couple of cry-baby scenes where as in the movie it is entirely different.

Even the death of lover's brother was a setting to get the girl cry always in the book, it was meant to bring a change in her father's attitude in the movie.

In the book, they stole the papers so that one of the idiots can put an A to impress his girl friend's father. In the movie it was to help his friend pass the exam so that he can get his job(though the friend doesn't agree to that).

In the book, not one of the three are happy with their lives in the cimax where as all the three got what they wanted and led a happy life in the movie.

Also the book's depiction of the now famous 'Silencer' is entirely different from the way the movie shows him.

You can see that the settings of all the above tracks are same in both the cases. But the way they were treated was the exact opposite.

I still wonder how the author demanded an acknowledgement given the differences in the two scripts.

P.S. : This is my opinion on the controversy and just to clarify, I am not Aamir Khan's fan. Infact, I like Shah Rukh Khan's as an actor. But, yes I hate the author called Chetan Bhagat.

P.P.S : You must have understood who the idiot the title refers to is.

The dream from which I couldn't wake up!!

It happened on my first day at home during winter vacation(december 4th morning to be exact). I wanted to write it down since then. I went home just after submitting a project report in a course(only 5% of which we completed). The dream was this way...

I was near Gajendra Cirlce with myfriend ravi teja(a.k.a foil). However GC looked a bit different. The road was a bit wider and there were a lot more trees. I told foil that we need to submit the report immediately as we were nearing the deadline(actually foil didn't even do that course!). We waited for the bus for a while and then started running, but towards main gate instead of the departments road. It started raining suddenly but still we kept running hard.

I suddenly realised that foil is not actually in my group and also that just yesterday I boarded a train to go home( infact, I overslept in that real train journey too and woke up in vijayawada instead of new guntur, where I was supposed to get down!). Then everything came rushing down and I realised that I am dreaming. Then I opened my eyes. But still I was in the campus i.e. I am still 'in the dream'! I didn't know what to do. I told foil that we were in a dream (all this in the dream!). Infact, to make him realise it I said we can fly if we want to and I rose into the air! He too tried and rose into the air on seeing me. But still I couldn't come out of the dream.

Then I thought maybe I should meditate on it and I sat in a meditation asana(I never did meditation in my life) and concentrated on waking up. Then suddenly I was able to open my eyes and I was in the bed in my house and the the clock read 10 a.m.

I was very thrilled about the dream. I remembered every small thing in it and again narrated the whole dream immediately to my mother so that I will not forget it.

Someday I hope we can completely understand what makes one dream...It's as difficult as understanding brain I guess.